Personally I don't think this song is too far away from a well executed idea. However, this song needs more bass and sub-bass to fill in the lower frequencies. The song would sound less empty if you could do so. Also, I'd recommend you lower the volume of some channels that are too loud and to also add a simple limiter on the master to make the mix sound cleaner.
On another note, the song has clearly had more effort put into the melodic values. The chord progression is pretty common in music but it works well in this track. The melody is always moving which makes it sound less boring. I like the drop quite a bit, but some sounds are loud enough to sound distorted, so again put more care in controlling the volume of each channel.
Hopefully this review helps you for your next songs!